Recognize an Abuser’s Tactics and Reclaim Your Personal Power



Be the change you wish to see in the world.

– Mahatma Ghandi


Your inner wounded child is that which holds onto the pain from abuse. Abuse occurs in every community regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, race, or economic status. As a survivor, abuse or addiction may have been part of your life experience, but it no longer needs to define you.

Children represent purity and humanity’s opportunity for rebirth. They are symbolic of hope and God’s love for us. They are born to love unconditionally and dream fearlessly. A child’s memory of his or her true nature and life purpose is altered when adults impart a fear-based belief system complete with self-imposed limitations.

It is our collective responsibility to love and protect children in order to manifest a world of peace and tolerance. As for those who carry their wounded inner child throughout life, it’s time to help them release their burden. It is humanity’s responsibility to address the underlying causes of abuse.

It’s time to look at the whole person and explore key culprits for abuse, including addiction and other personality disorders (i.e., narcissistic personality disorder). Addiction is a compulsion and dependence that can occur in relation to any substance (alcohol, drugs, etc.) or behavior (power and control, sex, food, technology, love, etc.)



Normalizes or minimizes his or her choices and behavior

He or she can minimize in an attempt to deflect from himself or herself. “Everyone has problems. It’s not a big deal. I have it under control.” “Every family is dysfunctional. Have you seen the neighbors?”

Victimization and blaming

An addict glorifies his or her success and takes credit when things go well. She or he happily points out the faults of others but has extreme difficulty accepting personal accountability. When things do not go well, an addict adopts the role of victim or even martyr, immediately assigning blame elsewhere. In the case where a man physically hits or verbally berates his wife or children, he blames them for his actions.

Ego and narcissism

An addict is renowned for his or her ego-driven emotions that hunger for praise and to be the center of attention. She or he may believe they are more important than other people, and many may even possess an elitist view of himself or herself without possessing any of the achievements.

Addicts live on a perpetual emotional roller coaster that oscillates between a sense of grandiosity and self-hatred. Although the addict may attempt to manipulate you into believing that you are the problem or the cause for his or her highs and lows, you do not have to pay to join this ride.

If you express an opposing opinion or don’t fully comply with an addict’s rules, the obsession turns to retribution. Mind games become an integral part of the strategy because she or he thinks she or he’s smarter than you.

Lies and manipulation

Lies and manipulation are critical to how an abuser (including an addict) advances his or her own personal agenda, even at the expense of his or her own family. That’s the disease. Endless lies infiltrate every facet of one’s life.

They often have to make up stories for lost track of time or missing money and character-assassinate anyone who attempts to reveal the truth.

Gaslighting is a form of abuse that addicts/narcissists/sociopaths use to overwrite someone else’s reality. By frequently providing false or twisted information, his or her intent is to manipulate a victim into doubting his or her own memories or sanity. The question of success, however, requires that his or her victim is not aware of the abuser’s true nature. Once the truth is exposed, the game is over.

Boundary issues

Addicts and abusers often choose to ignore societally accepted boundaries. They may enter your home without permission, snoop through your mail, use spyware, or invade your privacy in one of multitude of other ways. As energy vampires they continue to take from others around them unless clear boundaries are set. If your boundaries are not accepted, it’s time to walk away. Self-sacrifice in order to fulfill some false notion of love results in greater disappointment and heartache. Until an addict or abuser truly learns how to love, your efforts are futile anyway.



In order to manifest a new life and break the cycle, you must first bring to light your shadow self and consciously choose to emotionally, mentally, and energetically release it. Or you can choose to hold onto your energetic burdens and allow them to serve as an anchor holding you down. Your every thought, emotion, and action determines how your book of life is composed.

From the time I was a young girl, I envisioned a very different life for the children I knew I would have someday. I wanted them to feel deeply loved, valued and appreciated. I consciously chose to break the cycle. Recognizing the personality traits of an abuser (addict, narcissist, etc.) and the stronghold the effect had on me was an important part of my personal journey to healing…and my prayer is that it helps you too.




For insight into recognizing additional personality traits of an abuser, to understand why we journey or to empower yourself with the tools to write new chapters, allow Ascension to serve as your guide. You can CHOOSE to heal. You can CHOOSE to reclaim your personal power. You can CHOOSE to release the shackles that prevent your from living the life of your dreams. Your first lesson is to learn to truly love and accept yourself unconditonally. You can wipe the slate clean and begin again in this very moment. Embrace your inner greatness!



About the Author: Jacqueline Cassel